Day Two - Characters: A Gift

"If a story is in you, it has to come out." ---William Faulkner   

My story definitely had to come out, or I wasn't going to survive. But how to get that story down on the page. I had tried and tried to write it, but my story stubbornly refused to allow me access. I was frustrated and angry, and I almost gave up hope.

But something inside me wouldn't let me quit. (Although, actually I did quit once, and the pain was so excruciating, I had to start writing again.) I began to write every day for ten minutes. I set a timer and would not let myself go over that limit. I knew if I wrote for longer, I would get scared and stop.

But what also fueled my new writing practice was a medical diagnosis--skin cancer. Not the kind of skin cancer a dermatologist can easily get rid of. This was the monster of all skin cancers--melanoma. My dermatologist found it on my right arm. This set off a chain reaction in my mind/body/spirit that still goes on today.

Fortunately, the melanoma hadn't spread, so the doctor was able to completely remove it, and I have not had any issues since. But I was forever changed by the diagnosis, as if a switch had been turned on inside me.

I decided to write with melanoma and ask it why it had come. The idea of interviewing melanoma was a gift from my body. I was so frightened, I had been forced to listen to my body, and my body had screamed to me--"un-lived life."

Well, I knew exactly what this meant, and I determined I was going to change. Part of this change was a daily writing practice. I would not give that up again. So I wrote every day, and the more I wrote, the more my body spoke to me. Until finally, one day my body sent three characters.

The characters showed up during a writing workshop I was teaching. I felt them standing behind me at my computer. I knew they were characters, not simply reflections of myself. The characters were, in fact, emissaries from the universe, sent to save me from self-destruction.

The characters were designed specifically to teach me how to deal with trauma. The first thing they instructed me to do was use aromatherapy while I was writing. So I searched for just the right essential oil to use in a diffuser. I did not research the oils on the internet, but instead went out to stores and smelled the oils myself.

I noticed my body's reaction to each essential oil. I would smell the oil, close my eyes, then just wait to see how my body reacted. And when I found the oil my body wanted me to use, I knew it right away. I felt like a door opened inside me, like I could finally breathe. The feeling was unmistakable, and I knew right away was supposed to use jasmine oil.

Turns out, jasmine oil has been used for centuries to treat deep trauma. But I hadn't known that before I picked it. I had somehow managed to bypass my head and follow my body's guidance. My body knew better than I did how to proceed.

More next time!

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I write from experience, curiosity, and care--not from clinical training. I am not a therapist or a doctor, and nothing here is meant to diagnose, treat, or prescribe. Please listen to your own body as you read, and reach out for professional support if you need it.